This article has really really made me think and I do not know the answer, Just a lot of rambling thoughts. It just gave me a lot of things to ponder on a Sunday morning, and a much longer post than I usually do here.
It is a poignant article on forced marriages. Where arranged and forced marriages meet and interpretations differ. Where duty, love and wishes become a hopeless mess. I feel so sad for these women and their families. All of them locked together in an impossible situation.
A forced marriage is wrong, and the example exhibited in this article make that again very very clear. However what it also shows is that heavy influence and family dynamics can constitute force of a more psychological nature. That disappointing your parents is not always easy to equate to forced. But that it well may be, though from the out and inside it may well seem different to all parties concerned. In a few cases in this article the care for their children is clear, but not in line with the world their children live in.
Truth be told we all know how families can influence your decisions making. But this is not unique to the world of arranged marriages really if we are brutally honest. No child really wants to disappoint their parents. We’ve all done things to please our parents. For instance chosen the career our parents had in mind for us. Many of us have conformed to what is expected of us, going against our own wishes. Even in marriage; Who does not have friend, even of western culture, that says “I know marrying him was not right, but my family was so looking forward to it so I went ahead”.
Where does a gentle push to overcome insecurity end and where does it become force? There is such a grey area and I don’t really know. Sure my example of a woman in western culture is completely different, or is it? The underlying family dynamics are similar. The only thing is that she is free to leave and get a divorce.
However a number of these women then gets stalked, abused or even killed by their former partner. The ‘if I can’t have you then nobody can syndrome” Is this possibly the western form of the same problem?Doesn’t it all come down to wanting to control the woman taking away her right to choose the way she wishes to live and forcing her to conform to…………………(fill in what ever you think fits there) It shows me that there is still a hell of a lot to be done for women all over the world, including at home.