Just found myself nodding at every reason. So decided to put it onto my own blog.
Well written and thought provoking. Looking in the mirror makes me again realise that I too sometimes still step into my white-middlelass-educated-woman traps that are so clearly written out here. I guess it is not wrong to fall into that trap sometimes, after all I am only human, but to realise that I have done it and learn form my mistake.
The Belle Jar
This post originally appeared on the blog The Outlier Collective. But since that blog is now defunct, and since people have been asking for this post, I’m republishing it here.
I’m typically a huge proponent of the idea that feminism is for everybody. Feminism is for ladies! It’s for men! It’s for individuals who don’t subscribe to the idea of a gender binary! Feminism is for teenagers and small children! In fact, I’m even pretty sure that at least one of my cats is a feminist, although the other one just prefers to think of herself as a cat-ist, because that’s less political. Regardless, I’m usually of the opinion that feminism, as a philosophy, can and should be embraced by everyone.
Lately, though, I’m not so sure. I’ve been seeing a lot of questionable behaviours and comments, many of them coming from purported feminists. I’m starting to wonder if some…
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Posted by Gilraen on 21/09/2014
When women are killed, we remain just as dead as any man in similar circumstances. It cannot be argued that we have not really died, that the bullet that went through our skull didn’t really hurt us. Our death is an objective truth. It’s just the years leading up to it – all those experiences, thoughts and feelings – that can never quite be verified. For how does one know whether a life has validity unless it was lived by a man?
A man’s story belongs to him. He is more than “just the women”. As Judge Thokozile Masipa said of Oscar Pistorius, not guilty of murder despite firing four shots through a locked bathroom door, “the accused is the only person who can say what his state of mind was at the time he fired the shots that killed the deceased”. His experiences are inviolable. And…
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Posted by Gilraen on 12/09/2014
People Do Grow Up and Change.
As the blog owner at in the link above refuses to release my comment I am going to link the whole thing here and add my my comment on my own blog 🙂
my symathies are with the OP in this case. Having been in a similar position I would not want to attend their wedding either. I think the OP is doing enough of putting it in the past by saying that she knows that she will bump into her as she will be part of the extended family and will remain polite.
Clearly Lisa has not learned that not accepting no, acceptance of persona boundaries and using emotional blackmail including enlisting the whole family is also a form of bullying and as such I doubt that she has learned her lessons. Yes it would have been better to stick with the; “Sorry I have a prior engagement that day that I am unable to change.” but she did not. The happy couple do not have the right to state “we want the whole family there and thus the family MUST comply with our wishes no matter if they want to or not”. A complete disrespect for the choice and lives of others IMO
Appearantly I am not the only comment she did not approve of. According to her we missed the point as people do change and we have to give them a number oc chances. IMO the bully did not change and furthermore they did not accept a decline. It should never ever be compulsory to attend a wedding. The victim of bullying has moved on, but is perfectly within her rights to avoid having her boundaries beign trodden on, have a spine and decline an invitation. Come on now, according to the blog owner you are only over a bully if you forgive and forget and pretend everything is hunky dory and attend a wedding at the other side of the country. BS as far as I am concerned.
I am sorry but to forgive and forget also means forget that the person exists and not wanting to go back to the past. If they’ve changed fine, happy for them but that does not mean the OP should be forced to attend this wedding by being pushed around by her family. Insane IMO. The owner seems to have an issue with differing opinions. Something I have noticed before. Al ittle sad that I am posting this on my own website? Quite possibly but it annoyed me and I too have a blog and am completely free to post my opinion oposing that of the E-hell owner there.
Posted by Gilraen on 16/02/2014
Bridget Christie’s feminist quiz of 2013 | Life and style | The Guardian.
This one was fun to do eventhough it said I was probably a man. My two mistakes were just a notch too far ino pure Britishness.
Posted by Gilraen on 03/01/2014
Nigella Lawson cocaine use will be subject to police review after all | Life and style | theguardian.com.
It makes me angry really angry to see this. This is a woman publically attacked by her then husband. In the divorce he threatens to destroy her and bullies her to the witness stand. You know the man that is married to a great cook and prefer to eat burned toast. What a way to humiliate and spurn the one you claim to love.
She admits to some use of cocaine when her beloved husband is dying of cancer, a disease that took more loved ones. She also mentioned intimate terrorosm and needing to smake a joint with a life problem (marital problems).
SHE is now under investigation for cocaine use and HE is not for intimate terrirosm, bulliying and threatening behavious He threatened to destroy her. He seems to have the tools and money to at least try that and work the system. With this message he is making clear that this was not just a threat. I just hope that this piece Charles Saatchi was loser in court of public opinion | Art and design | The Guardian. wll remain true.
When are the powers that be going to look at the root cause? His controlling behaviour toward her and take things form there. But oh I forgot. He’s a man and a rich one with powerful connections to boot. Maybe we should change the proverb to Hell hath no fury but a perceived poweful controlling man scorned.
Nigella is staying dignified and strong. it seems. Still not a fan of her as a TV cook but she definately is going up in my inspirational women lists
Posted by Gilraen on 22/12/2013
Julia Gillard writes on power, purpose and Labor’s future | World news | theguardian.com.
I don’t think this is the last thing we have seen from her. She has been through a lot in poitics, is still standing and still making more sense than most politicians. Sure she is not perfect (who is) but damn it she is good!
Posted by Gilraen on 14/09/2013
BBC News – Sister Teresa Forcades: Europe’s most radical nun.
Neaver ceases to amaze me that inspirational women can be found in various paths of life. Her life choices ae not mine, and I probably disagree with her on a fair few things, but wow what a woman
Posted by Gilraen on 14/09/2013
BBC News – Twitter’s Tony Wang issues apology to abuse victims.
So they apologise and next month(!) there will be an abuse button.I guess better late than never They say the hear us which I doubt. They have seen their marketign research data that show brand damage. My thoughts are that this fact is what made them jump. Not the misogyny on line, nor the police investigations and arrests – 8 and 2 as far as I am aware.
In the mean time Mary Beard gets threats on bombs and rape. She had trouble with the way way over the top long abuse form. After all abuse is not a twitter thing and it takes longer to report abuse than to sign up. I know I too have reported a bomb threat. It is a disgrace that form! Impossible to fill out on a smartphone. She is then told by the ‘helpful’ feedback loop that she filled it out wrong – so it is not clear either – and that is why the abuse form is not accepted.
Now you’d think that after all the upheaval of the last few days over all the threads that they’d help one of the core people in this saga and check her timeline and ensure the abuse goes through as reported. But no they don’t
You’d think by now they’d have somebody checking timelines of the three top abuse receivers on a regular basis, or give them a designated report account or something but no – they STILL have to fill out that monstrously long, unclear and stupid abuse form every time.
Talk about #twitterfail
ETA: seems the people that rallied around Mary Beard and tweeted TwitterUK got through and she mentioend they are now very helpful. Just goes tos show what a little push form others can do
Posted by Gilraen on 04/08/2013